What Happened When I Stopped Trying to Be Better

Inside Nat's Notebook - Real Reflections for Real Change

We're nearly at the end of January.

And I want to ask you something: how are you doing?

Not the polite "fine, thanks" version. The real version.

Did you stick to those New Year goals? Did you transform into that new version of yourself everyone was promising you could become by now?

Or did you... not?

Did you find yourself still tired? Still slow? Still not feeling particularly motivated to overhaul your entire life in the middle of winter?

If so, let me tell you something important: you're not failing. You're listening.

The Month Everyone Else Was Hustling

I don't know about you, but my feeds have been full of it. The challenges. The streaks. The before-and-afters. The proclamations of transformation.

Everyone becoming more disciplined, more productive, more optimised. Everyone crushing goals and building empires and rising at 5am to meditate before their ice bath.

And maybe you tried some of it. Maybe you set intentions. Maybe you downloaded an app, bought a journal, promised yourself this year would be different.

Or maybe you didn't.

Maybe you looked at all of it and thought: I just... can't. Not right now. Not like this.

And then maybe you felt guilty about that. Like you were lazy, unmotivated, not committed enough to your own growth.

But what if I told you that your reluctance wasn't a problem? What if it were wisdom?

What Your Body Was Trying to Tell You

Here's what I've noticed, working with women for over fifteen years: your body always knows before your mind catches up.

Your body knew that January wasn't the time for transformation. That winter is for rest, not reinvention. That trying to force growth in frozen ground doesn't work, no matter how motivated you feel in your head.

Your nervous system was asking for warmth, stillness, and presence. For ordinary moments done with attention. For permission to be exactly where you are without needing to become someone else.

And if you listened to that - even a little bit - you weren't giving up. You were doing the actual work.

Because here's what nobody tells you about transformation: it doesn't come from pushing. It comes from presence. It comes from learning to be with yourself as you are, not as you think you should be.

The Small Shifts That Matter

Maybe this month you didn't overhaul your life. Maybe you didn't become a new version of yourself.

But maybe you noticed your tea tasted better when you actually paid attention to it.

Maybe you caught yourself shoulding all over yourself and chose differently, just once.

Maybe you felt your feet on the floor and realised you'd been holding your breath for three months.

Maybe you gave yourself permission to rest on New Year's Eve instead of forcing a celebration.

Maybe you chose one ordinary moment each day to just... be present. To feel the warm water on your hands. To notice the winter light. To sweep the floor and actually experience it instead of thinking about the next seventeen things on your list.

These aren't small things. These are everything.

Because this is how your nervous system learns that it's safe to slow down. This is how you remember what it feels like to be in your own body instead of constantly trying to escape it. This is how real change begins - not with force, but with presence.

What February Might Bring

We're nearly at the end of January. And February is coming.

The light is returning, slowly. The days are getting longer, bit by bit. Spring isn't here yet, but you can feel it starting to shift.

And here's what I've noticed: when you spend January resting instead of forcing, when you honour your season instead of fighting it, something interesting happens.

You arrive at February with capacity. With energy. With space.

Not because you pushed through. But because you didn't.

Not because you transformed yourself into someone better. But because you gave yourself permission to just be.

And from that place - from rest, from presence, from actually having capacity - real growth becomes possible. Not forced. Not effortful. Natural.

Like seeds that have been resting in dark soil, waiting for the right conditions to grow.

What This Month Taught Me

I want to tell you what I've learned, being the woman who stands against the New Year, New You noise every single January.

It's not popular. It's not what people want to hear in the first week of January when everyone's buzzing with motivation and possibility.

But by the end of January? By now? Women start telling me: you were right. My body needed rest, not another challenge. I needed permission, not pressure.

And here's what I know after all these years: the women who honour their seasons - who rest in winter, who wait for spring to plant new seeds - these are the women who create sustainable change.

Not the boom-and-bust cycle. Not the January enthusiasm that fizzles by February. Real, lasting transformation that doesn't require them to abandon themselves in the process.

That's what happens when you stop trying to be better and start being present.

#Rebel Moment

As we close out January, I want to give you one final invitation:

Look back over this month. Not with judgment, but with curiosity.

What did you learn about yourself? What did your body ask for? What moments of presence did you find, even briefly?

And what do you want to carry forward into February?

Not what you should do. Not what everyone else is doing. What you actually choose, from your heart of hearts.

Write it down somewhere. Just for you. Not as a goal or a commitment or another thing to achieve.

Just as a gentle reminder of what matters. Of what you're learning to honour. Of the season you're in and the woman you're becoming - not through force, but through presence.

What did January teach you? I'd love to hear what you're carrying forward.

Stay blessed

Nat x 🧡

P.S. - February is coming. And with it, new possibilities. Not the forced kind. The natural kind. The kind that emerges when you've actually rested. Watch this space.

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Exhausted but still brilliant? You bet you are.

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