Your Thoughts Are Not The Enemy

Inside Nat's Notebook - Real Reflections for Real Change

Let me guess the kind of mind you are secretly chasing. I bet it includes the mind that doesn't replay awkward conversations from 2007 while you're brushing your teeth. The one that doesn't suddenly remember everything on tomorrow's to-do list the second your head hits the pillow. The one that doesn't spend half an hour rehearsing conversations that will probably never happen.

If you could just quieten it, you've told yourself, everything else would surely get easier. Here's the funny thing, though. The harder you try to stop thinking, the louder your mind seems to get.

Have you noticed that?

The second you tell yourself, don't think about it, your mind responds as though you've just handed it a loudspeaker, never mind a microphone.

So maybe you've decided the problem is that you have too many thoughts. It isn't. The problem is the relationship you're having with them.

Somewhere along the way, many of us came to believe every thought deserves our attention. Every worry feels urgent. Every possibility is analysed from every conceivable angle, just in case something important has been missed. Especially at 3.03am, right? 

No wonder you're exhausted. Your mind has become like a group chat where everyone's talking at once, and somehow you've appointed yourself responsible for replying to every single message.

Something to be aware of is this:

The mind was never designed to sit quietly all day.

Its job is to think, imagine, remember, compare, predict and scan for danger. That's what a healthy human mind does. It's what it's supposed to do. So when you expect it to stop producing thoughts altogether, it's a little like asking your heart to stop beating because you'd quite like some peace and quiet.

So if thinking isn't the problem, then what is? Well, this is where it gets interesting. Stay with me here... 

Imagine you're sitting in a café by the window, watching people walk past. Some catch your attention. Most simply continue on their way. Thoughts can be exactly the same. Not every thought needs inviting in for tea. Not everyone deserves a seat at your table. It's okay to let some simply wander past. I know that sounds beautifully simple, and sometimes it is. Sometimes it really isn't. 

Because when your nervous system's spent months, or years, under pressure, your mind often becomes more vigilant. It starts scanning further ahead. It creates more "what if" scenarios. It tries to prepare for every possible outcome, believing it's helping to keep you safe. It's become a highly trained thinking machine, in operation 24/7.

This is not your mind working against you. It’s trying to work for you. It's just using an old strategy that may no longer be serving you particularly well.

Something shifts the moment you stop seeing your mind as a child going through their ‘terrible twos’, throwing themselves around on the floor, and instead begin seeing it as a loyal friend who's been standing guard for far too long. Of course, it's scanning every doorway. Nobody ever told it the danger had passed. 

That's where compassion moves in, and criticism moves out. The thoughts themselves don't disappear; some days they'll still arrive in great numbers, but you stop assuming every single one is telling you the truth. Or asking you to do something. Or predicting the future with any real certainty.

You start seeing them for what they are. Simply thoughts. Visitors. Some of them linger. Others barely pause before moving on. 

#RebelMoment

We've been taught that a peaceful life begins with a peaceful mind. I'm no longer convinced that's true. I think peace begins when you stop believing every thought that passes through it.

That's a very different conversation. Because now the goal isn't to empty your mind. The goal is to change the relationship you have with thinking itself. Ironically, that's often when the mind begins to soften.

This week, notice your thoughts. Not to judge them. Not to fix them. Simply to become curious.

If your mind starts racing this evening, instead of asking, "How do I stop thinking?", try asking a different question.

"What kind of relationship am I having with these thoughts right now?"

You might discover the thoughts themselves aren't creating nearly as much suffering as the struggle against them. That tiny shift won't stop your mind from doing what minds do. But it may help you meet it with a little more understanding.

The thoughts may still come. They probably will. But they no longer have to run the show.

LoveLove

Nat x

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