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The Hidden Cost of Self-Abandonment and How Self-Trust Brings You Back Home
- Nat Creasy
- Feb 9
- 3 min read
Inside Nat's Notebook - Real Reflections for Real Change
There is a quiet exhaustion I see again and again in women who are doing life well on the outside.
They are capable.
Caring.
Reliable.
Often they are the ones others lean on.
And yet something feels off.
Not dramatic.
Not broken.
Just a low hum of tiredness that never quite lifts.
More often than not, it is not coming from doing too much.
It is coming from not trusting themselves.
What Self-Abandonment Actually Looks Like
Self-abandonment is rarely loud.
It looks like saying yes when your body whispers no.
Staying longer than feels right.
Second-guessing your instincts.
Overriding your timing because it feels inconvenient or impractical.
It looks like being very good at coping.
Most women were never taught to trust their inner signals.
They were taught to be agreeable.
To be adaptable.
To put other people first and tidy themselves up afterwards.
Over time, this creates a subtle split.
You keep moving.
But you stop listening.
And the body keeps score.
Why This Affects Love So Deeply
February tells us that love is about connection with another.
But the most destabilising experience for many women is not being alone.
It is being disconnected from themselves.
When you do not trust yourself, love becomes something you manage.
You monitor how you are coming across.
You override your needs to keep things smooth.
You stay quiet when something does not sit right.
That is not intimacy.
That is survival.
Self-trust is what allows love to feel honest rather than effortful.
What Changes When You Start Trusting Yourself Again
Self-trust does not arrive as confidence.
It arrives as relief.
Relief that you no longer have to argue with your own body.
Relief that you can honour your pace.
Relief that your “no” does not require justification.
When self-trust returns, something softens.
You stop forcing yourself to keep up.
You stop explaining your needs away.
You start choosing from truth rather than fear.
And that is when self-love becomes lived, not theoretical.
This Is Not About Becoming Rigid
Trusting yourself does not mean becoming inflexible or selfish.
It means staying in a relationship with yourself.
Checking in.
Listening.
Responding rather than overriding.
It means you no longer disappear from your own life to keep everything else running smoothly.
This is the work that restores energy without adding anything new to your to-do list.
A Gentle Thread Into February
As we move deeper into this month, I want to name this quietly.
Self-love is not about trying harder to like yourself.
It is about stopping the habit of leaving yourself behind.
In Soul Sessions, this is what we practise together.
Learning how to notice when self-abandonment is happening and gently choosing something different.
Not perfectly.
Not all at once.
But with honesty, safety, and support.
Because self-trust grows best in spaces where you do not have to perform.
This week, notice where you override yourself.
Not to fix it.
Not to judge it.
Just to see it.
Where do you say yes before checking in?
Where do you rush a decision that needs more time?
Where do you minimise what you feel?
Then ask yourself one simple question
“What would it look like to trust myself here?”
No big declarations.
No dramatic changes.
Just one small moment of staying with yourself.
That is where self-love deepens.
Stay blessed
Nat x 🧡
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